Without you...

You came and showed her the light at the end of the tunnel
She would never have gotten through it without you…

You showed her the silver lining around her dark clouds
She would never have looked that high up without you…

You took her upon your shoulder so that she could see the view
Would she have ever seen that far without you?

You raised her up when she was beneath the rocks
She would have never gotten this high without you…

You gave her faith when she stopped believing
Could she have ever kept it without you?

You rescued her from the fiery monster in her dungeon
She would never have come back to the castle without you…

You saved her life when she was bound and broken
I doubt if she would’ve ever survived without you…

You gave her your crown when she couldn't hold on to her’s
She would have never felt like a queen without you…

You left without a word, without a goodbye
Now she’s lost and I don’t know what she’ll do without you.

Sadhguru

All my life I have been searching for a Guru. The perfect Guru. I always imagined a wise old man, with long gray hair and a robe, sitting under a tree (very typical!) So when I finally found him – it was a jolting surprise! He had long gray hair and a white shiny beard alright! But he was not your conventional guru. Wearing blue jeans, a T-shirt and trendy shades, he was speeding in a Rover. I immediately realized that he’s no ordinary guru. But one look at him and I knew it, he was the one I was searching for. Sadhguru. Who would’ve imagined?

I heard him speak. Never heard anything like that in my life before. I was instantly blown off of my feet. He spoke with such conviction and ease. His purpose is undoubtedly to do this. His knowledge seemed to be like a bottomless reservoir. Still, he claimed to know nothing. Nothing but himself, nothing but the truth. For me, (like so many others), it was definitely an Aha!! moment.

I did not want to meet any movie star, any rock star, anyone, as badly as I wanted to meet him. I finally did, it was a celebration of life for me. Every night when I pray, I secretly hope that, when I open my eyes, god will be standing there and smiling at me. I always imagined a funny grin, which would eventually turn into a warm smile that would tear me apart. I feel like my hopes turned to reality.

Now everyday I find my life taking newer dimensions; everyday I find more of myself. Life suddenly seems so easy and beautiful. I am just sailing through it. I’ve never been happier. Thanks to Sadhguru, for making me realize that the only person who can make me happy… is myself. Nothing had gotten me so fascinated ever. But this great being has, and I will be eternally grateful that GOD loved me enough to put me in the same lifetime as Sadhguru. So that I may experience him, his words, his energy and everything he has to offer. I love you with all my heart Sadhguru and I will be grateful to you forever. Maybe for many more lifetimes.

As he rightly says, you don’t choose your Guru, your Guru chooses you! This was definitely my calling!

I bow down to him for everything that I know… and for everything I don’t.

Magnificent Masinagudi!

The drive started before sunrise. Needless to say, so did the drinking. A drink in your hand and the wind in your hair is an awesome combination, unless you’re behind the wheel of course! (I AM a responsible citizen!) Destination?? Masinagudi – An exotic locale a few kilometers from Ooty. A perfect getaway for the weekend.

We passed by the scenic Bandipur forests and couldn’t help but slow down to enjoy the nature (and some beedis that we traded with cigarettes from an old man on the roadside). After spending some time monkey-gazing, we continued our drive to our final destination. In an hour we were in the middle of the beautiful Masinagudi forest and checking-in to our resort.

Our room was a very cozy bamboo hut, built very strategically on an elevated surface, making it look like a tree house… well almost! We were soon getting ready to go to the river side for lunch.

After a nice, long, sunny lunch (mouth-watering Biriyani which was specially delivered to us on the river-side) we headed back to our resort to catch up with some friends. The rest of the evening was spent talking and hanging around a camp-fire and drinking. Thanks to Sujay (my amazingly talented story-teller friend)and Sagar (my amazingly hilarious friend). With them, you never notice how time just flies by. Before we knew it, it was almost mid-night. And time for the mid-night safari!
Woohoo! What a safari THAT was! We were three in an open jeep along with a driver who was so over dramatic, we almost felt like we were a part of an over-the-top Rajnikanth movie. Man! His filmy dialogues and his action-hero like driving was too much too handle… especially when your drunk and there’s a Tusker almost spitting on your face. Some ride that was!

We spotted loads of animals! Bison, Bears, Deer, Antelopes, Tuskers and more Tuskers! They were literally in-our-faces! It was like they were just posing for us on the side of the road, like as if they were expecting us! Like a friggin parade it was! A whole two hours in the wild! What a rush!! Phew!
And then we were back to our resort! All excited and pumped up, and narrating the whole experience to the rest of the gang who were in another jeep. Sadly, they hadn’t seen a thing, except for rabbits (like that counts!) We gloated and gloated and finally when we had pissed them off enough we decided to head back to our rooms! It was 3.30 am by now and time to crash… well almost!

It was a beautiful night we couldn’t resist! We sat in our balcony for a while and did quite a bit of animated chit chat about all our previous jungli experiences. We were still not over the amazing safari of course. And then we realized how exhausted we were and finally decided to call it a night! Needless to say, I dreamt about a mammoth that night! And not a cute, talking one like in Ice Age!

The next day was meant to chill out for a while and head back. And that’s exactly what we did! Woke up late, had a lazy brunch and started our drive back home! I am a big sucker for drives and loved this one too. The wind in our hair and … you know the drill! :)

Oh … K!

I recently watched this movie called “Wake Up Sid”. (yeah yeah its been a while since its release, I know!) It was a fun, light-hearted story about a young boy, transitioning from an immature, shallow, spoilt brat, who can’t care less about his exams, to an endearing and sensitive young man.

The protagonist in the movie - Sid reminded me of one of my best friends from college – Kartik aka K. He, like Sid was utterly spoilt, so shallow (I’ve had baths that are deeper) couldn’t care less about the world (leave alone his exams), but thought he was perfection personified.

He hated home food. His mom would pack curd rice for him every other day, which he very conveniently donated to the needy and lived on burgers and fries almost every lunch break. (very generous!) His sense of humor drove me crazy! He called me Bhains (buffalo) when I would come back after every vacation putting on a little holiday weight. His sense of humor was mean and insensitive, and he laughed his ass off for his own jokes, (but I must admit, he was funny as hell).

I always acted like the grown up among the two of us and would constantly nag him saying that he was too immature for me and would declare that nothing would ever happen between us. He would vehemently deny ever having had that idea.
But we were buddies. From the first year to the fifth. We had absolutely nothing in common, but did everything together, we fought like hell, but we were inseparable.

He is now in San Francisco, living by himself, washing his own clothes, earning his own living and cooking his own food (Indian food mind you– he now has a fierce aversion towards burgers and fries). That’s some transformation for you!
So now I am happy to declare that K... has finally woken up!

Sweetest Girl

Yesterday was an extremely sad day for me. Not just for me, but also for my family, and many of my close friends. Why? Because, they had become close friends with someone else too. That was Roxy. My 10-month-old Great Dane.

Roxy died yesterday. She was ill from a long time. Her case was rather peculiar. Whatever she ate somehow seeped into her lungs making it extremely difficult for her to breathe almost choking her. This was a condition she was born with. She was too young to suffer so much. So, after much contemplation, we put her lights out yesterday.It was most difficult for my parents to convince me about what we were about to do. I couldn't accept it. It was too damn hard. I knew I had to convince myself. I had to be strong.

It happened. One minute she was in my arms, the next minute, she was no more. All in a moment. I suddenly felt a surge of utter sadness engulfing me. I looked around for some support, but my parents, sister and brother-in-law were inconsolable themselves. I had to draw from my own strength.

What I feel happy about, is how well she was taken care of while she was here. No words are enough to express gratitude to my parents and my brother-in-law for going that extra mile to make sure she was OK. We kept her happy.

She used to be the sweetest friend I ever had. She never once complained that I was too spoilt or that I have too many shoes or that I don’t keep in touch, or that I was too stuck up with my work. Instead she loved to see me at absolutely anytime of the day or night (read late night). Irrespective of whether I had been nice to her, nasty to her or had just plain ignored her on our previous meeting. She truly loved me and she made me smile.

I’ve learnt a great deal from Roxy. She used to be as happy and playful as ever, despite all her suffering. She never failed to greet us cheerfully, whenever we got back home, even if she was bed-ridden for the entire day. She also gave me a wake-up-call to spend ample time with Ruby and Romeo (my other two dogs). They are darlings as well. The moments I spent with her are something I can never forget. They just playback to me like a movie.

I slept with a heavy heart last night, but when I woke up this morning I realized that I was smiling. It was another bright and beautiful day, and I know now, that Roxy is in a better place.

Looking In

I recently did an intensive meditation program. Its amazing how transforming these programs can be. Suddenly, a large part of my life seemed so meaningless, so abstruse, and yet obvious. I know its an oxy-MORON! Its almost funny!

It involved a lot of introspection. I began examining my own thoughts, desires, feelings and in a more spiritual sense, my soul. I began contemplating. I wasn’t even aware of all the junk that was in there.

Sure was a great insight for me. I became a stranger to myself, yet closer and more connected to the world around me. I suddenly started feeling responsible for everything happening around me and yet so disconnected to all the emotions. I was already emotionally disconnected (according to my friends) but this was uncharted territory.

I just couldn't get enough of it, so I registered myself for a higher course. I am looking forward to an extremely intensive form of meditation, next month. It is called Bhava-Spandana. Bhava means emotions and Spandana means to react to it (for the un-initiated). It should give me more scary insights about the strange me.

When I was planning my leave for the same, I was joking with my HR that I might end up renouncing the world and might not come back to work. She almost refused to give me leave...

But hey, I have some serious cleaning up to do.